We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
