Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize