i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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