you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
