So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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