so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
