his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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