It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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