When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
