My liver just broke up with me...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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