sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
