What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
