You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
