Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
