Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
