i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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