that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
