Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
