whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
