I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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