Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I cut my penus on the lid.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
