I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
