I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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