we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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