I have demons in me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
