We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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