I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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