Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
