I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
