Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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