I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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