She is in my trunk
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize