I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Randomize
