went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
