Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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