It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
