I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
