I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
