I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize