I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
