i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
