Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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