I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
