Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I understand Curling. That high.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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