just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
