One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
