threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
