Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
