She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
