Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
