he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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