your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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