what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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