I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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