i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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