how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize