great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
