I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
