Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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