We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
