I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
