I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize