Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
