I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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