True but thats because hes a fetus.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
me + whiskey = a bad person
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
