he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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