No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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