I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
