Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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