the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
